My Comedy of Errors

If I had a dollar for every time in the last ten years that someone said to me, "You should write a book! You're an amazing writer. You make people feel things when they read. It would be a best seller!", I wouldn't HAVE to write a book, because I could go buy an island somewhere with all the dollars I got.

But here lately, I can't get that thought out of my head. It's perpetual. It's psychological warfare. It's brain washing. Or something. Write a book. Writeabook. Writeabookwriteabookwriteabook.... ad infinitum.

Here's some facts about me. I don't think I'm anything great. I'm a mom. I have a buncha monsters. I have perpetual drama at my house, and  I'm snarky and sarcastic and occasionally profane. I hate doing laundry, going to IEP meetings, scheduling appointments of any kind, standing in lines or sitting in waiting rooms,  and listening to people that have no idea what they're talking about. I love old movies (especially those darn musicals!), shoe shopping, nights off, and have a terminal addiction to reading. In short, I'm just.... (brace yourselves, people)... normal. In this case, normal is not just the setting on the dryer. And..... it's not something that is necessarily marketable. Occasionally, it's entertaining, as you've seen here. But that's the exception to the rule.

So here's the problem. What would I write about? Fiction? Okie dokie. Here ya go. I looooooove it when I have to schedule three days worth of meetings for IEPs for my kids, the monsterlettes have fevers and are projectile vomiting, we're out of  the organic juice popsicles that Logan isn't allergic to, and the car is out of gas. It makes me all giddy and giggly! No?

Non-fiction? Okaaaay. But you asked for it.

Me, texting a dear friend:

"I think it's time to start to consider the possibility of thinking about writing
 a book. But what would I write about?! Heaven knows I have words. It's just 
the getting the words in the right sequence......"

And her reply:

"How about how all your kids came about?"

Me ( I couldn't help myself):

"Um. Uh. Well, you see... once upon a time there was a bird who met a bee,

and they loved each other very much..."

Her:

"Oh, no. You know what I mean."

Me:

"That whole thing with the marriages and the husbands and the divorces and

the stupid that is life in the present tense would make people throw the book 

down screaming. Not exactly the story I was imagining.. ;)"

Her:

"Put a fun spin on it. Snark it."

Me:

 "Comedy of errors? Lucille Ball-ish?"

Her:

"Yes!"

Me:

"You know I'm transcribing this whole convo on the blog as a post, right?"

Her:

"Whatever."

Me:

"zoom in"

What?!? It's nonfiction! And the un-named friend above knows me and my version of humor rather well. And.. I have to admit - comedy of errors? Sounds strangely appealing. Lucille Ball-ish? Sounds intriguing. Me writing it as a book? Instant stage fright. And also? I do NOT look good with red hair. Don't ask. It was a mistake. A big mistake. And I couldn't bludgeon the stylist that did it because I was 8 months pregnant with the twinnies, and the walruses on the Nature channel looked like Sports Illustrated swimsuit models in comparison.

So the question is, my dear, fabulous, incredible, wonderful, fantastic, unbiased readers who have never met me in real life, whaddaya think? Seven monsters and snark? Could it work? And one more thing.... what would YOU want to read about, if I wrote a book about seven monsters, a Momma with rapidly dwindling sanity, and a monthly grocery bill to rival most mortgage payments? Seriously! I wanna know what you wanna know! Lay it on me, people. And we'll see if I can't get you some entertainment on the blog while I'm at it. Practice makes perfect, after all! I'll start you off. Do I sleep? Only on alternate weekends and holidays.  How do I do it? The same way you do. One breath, one step, one day at a time. How often do I get to shower? Is this a trick question? With or without monsters pounding on the door? Be more specific!!

Okay. I'm done. Ask those questions, people! You can find me by commenting here, below the post, leaving a comment on my fb page, send me a DM on twitter (but I really am not on twitter very often, if at all), or email me at frazzledmomma at livingwithlogan dot com. I will respond. Just remember.. if you send me snark, you'll get snark back! And so forth and so on...

note to self by empowernetwork.com via google images

screen pic belongs to me